My Blog

Onwards and upwards.

So it's 24 hrs since I got fired from my job.
A job which gave me everything I needed to provide for my family. You could say I feel pretty stupid right now. 7 months ago I made a mistake in a job and didn't follow procedures that were put in place in order for me NOT to do exactly what I did.
There are no excuses, no blame except on my part and definitely no hard feelings towards my colleagues from the last eight years.
I also don't see this as a particularly negative situation. I've been coasting along at that job and becoming ever more comfortable and unchallenged. I doubt I would have ever left and that's where I see the positive in this. I now can reflect and contemplate my next move with a good sense of where I am and what I want from a new job or career.
I was upset, and embarrassed initially. Now I feel liberated and ready for action.
I know I'm a better employee now than I ever have been, and I believe that it won't be too long until I'm back in gainful employment again.
Sometimes things happen for a reason, and sometimes things just happen.
It's how we react and how we deal with the event that ultimately shows what kind of people we are. I hope to prove to my family that no matter what, I can provide for them and nothing will ever change that. Today is the start of another chapter in an already pretty colourful life story.
Bring it on. 

No need to reply.

Hey all, I'm about to let loose on a few things so don't get your knickers/undies in a twist. If you think it's about you; whether intentionally or not on my part, then it obviously applies to you. This post is not aimed at anyone in particularly, but at an increase in the amount of negative posts I see on Facebook. This is just my viewpoint. 

 

 

I know for a FACT, that people who are truly depressed generally do not post on Facebook saying 'I'm depressed', 'I'm going through hard times and nobody cares'.
They don't post that kind of thing because they genuinely believe that noone cares. Putting your status as 'So depressed right now, FML' is not a cry for help it's an attention seeking post to try to make people blow smoke up your arse.
I've had a friend for over 6 or 7 years now and not until recently did I know he was depressed and felt suicidal. That's because he'd finally decided not to let it beat him and started talking about it with real people, and thankfully he's doing great now.
What do you think you are gaining by sharing your miserable take on things with others?
Do you expect everyone to turn around and say 'oh poor you, it's so tough life isn't it. How can I make it easier for you?'
Shit happens I'm afraid. Bad things happen to good people, good things happen to bad people. There are no set rules to life.
I would want to think that if you are my friend, you could call me up or knock on my door anytime, have a brew and put the world to rights for however long it takes. Don't post on Facebook, and wait for me to call you.
I have never been depressed, but I have been miserable (not too often may I add). Most people are just miserable.
If I've had a bad day at work I'm not going to post it on Facebook for everyone to see, simply for the fact that it has absolutely no positive effect on anyone. Why do I want everyone to know how miserable I am?

 

I know FREEDOM OF SPEECH, and all that jazz.
You are only exercising your rights and you are free to do that. But hey, have little bit of a thought before you post.
Am I posting something that can make someone smile, think, change, grow, dream?
If not, then just think twice.
If you want to stop being miserable then you need to take a real good look at yourself. Your circumstances don't make the person you are, you're thoughts do. As soon as you lift your thoughts, your circumstances will start to change. 

Questions.

 
I have recently been wrestling with my thoughts over why I do certain things that I do.
I seem to mess things up when they are going well, and I step back just when I need to step up.
I invent things to do, when I know clearly in my head what I should be doing.
I suffer dreadfully with procrastination.
I am a slave to the easy way out.
I crave for change, but fail to make the first move. I have a huge amount of love in my heart, plenty for my family and spare for anyone who needs it. A love that only wants to heal and not harm, a love to make someone feel human.
How do I help people with just words?
How do I manifest that love into actions?
What is it that I can do to make a difference?
One life, two lives or a thousand lives.
Your life.
My life.
Am I just helping myself?
Do you deserve my love?
Do I deserve your time?

Are we just a million thoughts trapped in a tiny mind?
Are we just another persons thought trapped in an earthly body?
Are we just dust with an unknown purpose being blown around by stronger winds than us?

We are full of questions. We are full of ideas.
We are full of dreams. We are full of desires.

Do we dream false dreams?
Do we leave our ideas on the bonfire of regret?
Do we answer all of our questions?

 

After all the questions. After all the fighting.
All the wasted time, all the perfect nights.
I know one thing.
You are exactly what you give out.
So give wisely. 

Friends.

I have had many friends over the years.
They come and go with the changing of the seasons. Some of those I have not seen for years, but nothing has changed, I believe we are still friends.
Some of them left once they got what they needed and have never been in touch since. That's fine, that's maybe how it was meant to be.
Still friends though.
Some people are friends and after one disagreement they decide they hate you. Well that says more about you than me. Yes, still friends.
See I have difficulty holding grudges. I think that's a good thing. If we have ever fallen out, and you decided to get in touch with me, I would welcome you back into my life.
If you are my friend, you are my friend. I will help you if needed, I'll always listen, I'll tell you the truth if that's what you need and I will understand if you leave for a while.
I love seeing posts on Facebook from friends who I haven't seen for years, or friends that were only in my life for a short time and also all the friends that I've never even met in the physical world.
Don't hold grudges, don't harbour hate.

 

Appreciate the friends that are past, present and future. Life is too long not to. 

Words on a page.

Mine and Torz's personal lives are pretty much out there for everyone to see or read.
This doesn't come from a place of narcissism​ or ego, but rather a compulsion to give and share lifes ups and downs in order to maybe have, if only a minute amount, of positive influence on someone out there. If only one person read this blog, maybe that's you, and my words rang true and gave you either hope or inspiration to make a change, then my writing has done its job.
Some people have the opinion that you should keep it to yourself, and that you're an attention seeking wannabe who likes to hear the sound of your own voice.
Hear is what I say to the person who thinks that way:
If someone shares a personal experience with you, it's up to you how you take that information. Ignore it, enjoy it, like it, love it or take something away from it.
Life is hard, we can learn so much from each other. But you need to listen to people.
Why did that person put such a Facebook post on?
Maybe they had no friends to turn to and needed to get something off their chest.
Maybe they just want someone to connect with them. They just need that love heart on their post or a couple of likes to know that someone sees them.
I write because I want to share my mistakes, my triumphs, my feelings. What you do with my words is entirely up to you. Discard them, mock them, ignore them or just enjoy them for what they are. Words on a page. Take them, they are yours now. Do as you wish with them.
I have plenty more. 😉

Letter to our kids

An open letter to my children.

There is no one on this planet that loves you more than your mum and I.
Everything we do is in some way trying make things better or easier for you.
The things we do in our lives revolve around how they may affect you or how it may benefit you.
We may have harsh words from time to time, and we might fall out.
We may do things which may make you angry or sad, those things we do because we care for you and we are trying to guide you.
What kind of parents would we be if we didn't care how you feel, and not want to help you when you were hurting.
When you are sad, we are too.
We want you to be happy. We want you to feel freedom to express yourself.
Wherever you go in life, however far it takes you.
There will always be an open door right here.
There will always be a listening ear.
I may not be able to solve all your problems all the time but I'll try to squeeze them away with a big dad hug.
If you are ever scared and don't know what to do.
We'll be right here.
Sometimes these words are only ever kept inside, that's why I've written them down.
When you read them, know that they are true.
We will always, wholeheartedly and unconditionally love you.

 

Mum and dad. 

My Rock band.

I'm a huge fan of the rock band Pearl Jam. The best band in the world in my opinion. They've been making good music consistently for the last 27 years. I first remember hearing/seeing them on MTV with 'Even flow' back in 1991, watching Eddie Vedder climbing up the venue and stage diving. Although he doesn't do that anymore the last time I went to see them they did a 3hr set list and absolutely rocked the place.
How does a band stay so consistent and get even better through the years?
One reason obviously is that they absolutely love what they do. It's difficult to stick to any task or job if we don't love what we do, especially when you might meet obstacles along the way.
Another reason is they love and respect each other as a group. There has only been one change in the line-up since the beginning and that was the drummer after the second album.
So they obviously trust one another implicitly. Thus creating really strong relationships between the band members.

Another thing is that they have managed to keep a work life balance. They are all family men now, and although work really hard and spend time away from home weeks at a time, they manage to keep their personal life pretty much private which gives them the opportunity to spend quality time when they do have that time. That makes sure that they are still grounded in the real world.

 

You might not think this relates to much at all. But how I look at it is, I am part of my own rock band. My wife, the kids and I are the musicians. We all add something different to the music which we create. As we all grow, our sound may vary and we may put out the odd dodgy album or song or have a hiatus for a little while, but you never know when that next classic is just around the corner. As long as we appreciate each other and respect each others opinions then there is no reason we can't have a career that lasts a lifetime and our music carries on for generations.

Sh1ts & giggles.

As it's Friday I thought I might as well try and brighten the day up with a little story about something that happened to me one night a few years ago.

 

It was late at night, the whole house was in darkness. We were all fast asleep. Then a scratching noise in the boys bedroom started.
Scrat, scrat, scrat. Scrat, scrat, scrat.
With an elbow to the ribs Torz woke me from my slumber. 'What's that noise?'.
Straight away I knew what it was. It was Eddie. Our cat. He must be trapped in the bedroom and he's scratching the carpet up. So I knew I had to get up. I tip toed out into the hallway in my birthday suit and opened the door to the boys bedroom. Desperately trying not to wake the kids I set about trying to find Eddie while fumbling around in the pitch dark. He didn't like being picked up, but I dragged him out from under the bed and tried to avoid his scratching as you can imagine being naked and carrying a pissed off cat is a recipe for eye watering pain. So I spun round and headed for the door, and as I did so placed my foot down in what can only be described as like putting my foot in a giant cat poo, because that's what it was. I dropped Eddie instantly and lifted my foot up so quickly that  what was still stuck to my foot flung up and hit the door and wall. As if that wasn't bad enough I couldn't put my foot down now, but then I got excruciating cramp in my right calf muscle. So almost in tears I'm whisper shouting 'I've got cramp!!' 'I've got cramp!!'. I'm not sure how long I stood there but all I could here from our bedroom was the giggling and snorting coming from a woman who is supposed to love me, but as the cramp died off I hopped into the bathroom to get my foot cleaned. All through this and the cleaning of the rest of it, the boys never even stirred.
If there is a moral to this story, I suppose you could say, don't trap your cat in a bedroom overnight, or don't own a cat.
 

The blame game.

Until recently, as in the last few years, I've really tried to work on a real failing I had or maybe still have. I remember when I used to sneak to the pub to have a few beers, or I'd be sneaking cans of beer and drinking them in the outhouse or having a crafty ciggy out the back garden. I'm not talking about the actual act of those things that were a failing(of course they were) but moreover the story I was telling myself. In my head I'd be thinking 'well if she let me go out, then I wouldn't have to sneak about' or 'I don't know why she has a problem with me drinking'. Because I didn't see that drinking cans of strongbow in an outside shed in the middle of the week was a problem.
I had someone to blame. Her, the missus, her indoors, the dragon, all those things tough guy manly men say to each other over there 4th or 5th pint while their wives are sorting the kids out and making the tea and cleaning the whole house and all the stuff women 'should' do.
Blaming other people is a get out for anybody. Why did your missus leave you? Because she's an evil bitch.
Why have you not been promoted yet? Because the boss is an arsehole and he doesn't like me.

Your wife left you because you stopped doing the things that brought you close in the first place, spending time together, talking things over, saying the things you used to say... being nice.

 

Your boss won't promote you because you moan constantly, you are a negative influence on others and you don't go that extra mile.
Once you stop making excuses and blaming others, only then things can change. And you will see how people change towards you.
Take a long hard look in the mirror, go deep in to your thoughts and feelings. You might not like what you see, it may not be so easy, but work on your self awareness, stop making excuses and blaming people and grow into a more rewarding and joyful life. 

Find something to smile about.

I have what I think is sciatica at the moment and it's been going on for some weeks now. I find myself moaning and groaning at times because of the discomfort it gives me. Yes I'm getting older and these things could become more a part of my life and yes I'm a bloke so I like to have a good old moan about it.
I rang a buddy of mine today who's been off work for around 10 months now. I asked the usual 'so how are you/things?' and he answered in his usual jovial way 'I'm wonderful thanks Rob!'.
Wonderful? My friend has been off work because of cancer in his face, how can things be wonderful?  So I arranged to go see him at lunchtime today while he was working on his '55 cadillac. I've seen him before since the surgery so now the big hole in his face isn't as shocking as when I first went to see him, but still, it's a big hole in somebody's face. He's an amazing guy, a husband and a dad to two young children. As we chatted I moaned a bit about my sciatica and he told me about a recent scare. They had done some scans and the doctors were concerned that the cancer was back and it could have quite possibly have appeared in other parts of the body. So after some biopsies and a horrendous wait to find out, they finally came back with the all clear. What had shown up was basically the body repairing itself from the radiotherapy and the surgery. I felt a bit of a fraud when I grimaced as I was climbing back into the van and he said, 'ooh, it looks a bit painful your back' in the least sarcastic tone possible. It could be worse I said as we gave each other a knowing smile.
He had been positive about his treatment and his body's response to the treatment from day one. Always smiling and being cheerful. All being well he's back in work in November and he can start thinking about his future and his family's future.

 

We can all moan about things and let things get us down, but people throughout history have been through terrible things and come out on the other side. Some people have to battle every day with either physical or mental illness. Things can get better, things can be positive.
Be thankful for your family, your friends, your pets, for the good times and the bad. Be thankful to be alive and to share this planet with the people we love. We aren't here long, we may as well smile while we are.