As I look back over the years, it's actually quite surprising that Torz had never thrown me out before. I'm sure she probably wanted to and thought about it many times.
99% of all our arguments would be because of my drinking. Either I'd be sulking because I couldn't go out or I'd come in drunk and try to start an argument. I even threatened to leave one time and packed my bag. The funny thing about that night was the fact that I only packed up my dvd collection and nothing else.
The not so funny thing about that night was that I was really upsetting Torz who was now pregnant with Frankie (our first) and she already suffered enough with depression and anxiety plus all the crazy pregnancy hormones.
I remember standing at the front door of the apartment telling her I'm leaving and she was crying and saying 'how can I be a single mum in Spain? How am I going to get back to England?'
Torz was very dependent on me back then, I would handle the money, she didn't speak Spanish and she was quite lonely during the day as I used to work long hours.
That night I did what I would always do and went for a drink. That was the thing about living in Spain, you could usually get a drink whatever time of night it was.
I didn't leave that time, and to be honest I never really wanted to. It was just an excuse to go for a drink.
I think that has always been my problem, I never know when to stop. That particular night I'd already been drinking straight after work with the lads and when I got in Torz hadn't eaten yet because she was waiting for me to get home. Yet in my head she was ruining my Friday drinks after work by making me come home. Why couldn't I be happy with a couple of drinks and then go out for a meal with my beautiful pregnant wife?
It really doesn't make sense now.
So I guess it comes down to selfishness again. I suppose you could have called me a narcissist.
I've learned the hard way that if you only try to make yourself happy, then you inevitably will end up miserable. Being in a loving relationship takes effort and self-sacrifice. Luckily for me, I had someone with understanding, a forgiving nature and a shed load of patience.
Rob, if just one person reads your blog and recognises in themselves what you describe, and realise they too can change, then that will be a true success for your blogs. Keep them coming and, as requested, I've now subscribed
Posted by: Meg | 10/20/2017 at 12:48 PM